Light the Air
Regularly commenting on other people’s songs will, over time, really improve your own song writing as well as helping the songwriter of that song and the Songwriting Community as a whole.
Today’s Song for Songwriting critique is
–> “Paper Planes” by Light the Air
Click above ^ to Listen and then leave your comment below. N.B. You can now comment with your Facebook login.
RR
Yes…yes, sweet, dreamy,& ethereal……..
Here we are once again, with a song and mix that is… “out of the box”… and I, like so many others,….will give you advice that, if taken, will pull your art back into the “box”…..so take it all with a grain of salt, and stay true to your self 8~},
… and with that, I too think the song lacks substance, that one solid element to help guide us through this beautifully, light and breezy tune. Also, I think Xen is dead on with his advice about the mix.
Gr8 work!
speyeder
Hello everybody,
Just wanted to say thank you so much for your thoughts and comments. I was amazed at the feedback all of you gave and really like the community here! Light the Air is a solo side project of mine so if you interested in hearing more from me, I am the singer/lyricist for ‘the Analog Affair’ (www.soundcloud.com/theanalogaffair) and would love to hear what you all think of us! Once again I really appreciate them a lot and look forward to hearing further from all of you
Also, if anyone is interested in collaborating on any tracks feel free to shoot me an e-mail!
Cheers,
Evan B.
Light the Air
The Analog Affair
This is lovely. I was not as pleased by the chords when it started.. but the Postal Service type of light touch and the lyrics, the backing vocals.. all work so well.. This is a fantastic sweet, full dream of Death Cab meets Simon and Garfunkel..
Well done lads!
-JLN
http://www.theheartsleeves.bandcamp.com
http://www.twitter.com/theheartsleeves
I like the concept of the light and floaty, and I like your voice. It’s a very pretty song, but I really feel like your vocals could be a little stronger. I think you could still have parts that build, add some more dynamic to it, without loosing any of the feeling that you are aiming for. I do really love your execution of this song though, I just want more dynamic
Also, great cover art!
Great job – you have a new fan
Danie
http://www.twitter.com/letter2self
Hey Light the Air, intersting song. I too like the floatyness of it but to record such a piece you’re going to need to make a few adjustments in your mix. Because your vocals are so light you need to pan your guitar left and right so everything isn’t competing with each other in the center. Also, some frequencies adjusting is probably in order as well. Check out this video for a really good explanation for frequency adjustment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeOSGGBSvKU
I know the pauses in the chourus create meaning to the lyrics as well as a little “something” different but I’m definitely not a fan. I think it would work better if it just happened once or twice during the song. The pauses are just a little too long for my taste.
Eventhough the song is light and “floaty” I also think the synth should be a little stronger as well. Again, check out the video for an explanation on how to bring the synth out a little more.
All-in-all, I think it’s a pretty good song with some strong lyrics. Good job.
Xen
http://www.twitter.com/xenaphon8
This is gorgeous…reminds me of a rather obscure tune by jimmy webb called Rock,paper, scissors. Very similar harmonies, perhaps dangerously similar. I might nitpick a few words here and there and I’m not sure the dragged out rhythm of the chorus works but everything else is wonderful.
Wow…. LOVE the dreamy vibe of this. The lyrics about the distracted quality of the communion between two people, the non-focus, the taking in of the moment are exquisite.
The simplicity and airy quality of the orchestration perfectly complement the theme of the song. The pauses in the chorus perfectly further the sensation of time passing / not passing in those perfect moments when we seem frozen in time while it slips through our fingers.
I’m really looking for something to pick on here… I guess if I have to find one thing, I would talk about the vocal line of the chorus going from C -> B -> A… I don’t know what might work better, but I found that the energy at that point diminishes more than I liked. That’s about all I could find.
Overall, so well done. Liked it so much I plan on purchasing a copy.
-Philip